I have been slacking with updating this journal. I’ve been slacking in everything. Unproductive as hell, I have been.
Floating. What’s new?
Nothing much. Still falling sick pretty often. Still battling the same health issues. Still not sure how I would go about letting someone in on my big secret when/if we get serious enough to discuss a future. Still feeling at peace and satisfied at most times. Still get those moments of awakening sadness that threatens to devour my whole self. Still learning how to trust someone again and let myself be loved. Still dreaming about A and what could have been. Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda. Still off the beaten track but somehow my end-goal is in sight. Still in love with 4.57am and lying on someone’s chest to calm myself with his steady heartbeat. Still easing myself into the role I’ve been given. Still wondering where my career will lead me and worrying about the same old problems. Still in the mood for love, life, love, life. Still plagued by self-doubt until someone silences me with a knowing gaze that always makes me break into fits of giggles. Still the same ol’ complaining and whinging cow but also different because I’m learning to not take things/people for granted.
And still, waiting to be able to say ‘I love you’ again and mean it.
To the future. To turning 28. To insanity and sanity. To life beyond our boundaries.
Blessed we are. Thank you.
