iridescente: a collective of the senses

Here, Now, Again

xphyxiate — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 19:59:48 +0000

Trying to put together a novella by pen. In the meantime, I’m sporadically posting here.

Yes, I’ve jumped onto the Tumbler wagon. No, I’m still off Facebook and Twitter. Just make do.

Bed time. Breathtakingly beautiful.

I would like to stay like this for a long, long time.

Baby can I hold you tonight?

xphyxiate — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 09:40:08 +0000

Back from the land of Krabi. Tan enough. Got sick on my birthday. Fucked up my mobile phone in Krabi too. Super knackered from going straight from airport to work. Energy level super low. But had a lot of fun with my homies, the local Krabi girls, the Air Asia girls and the awesome boys.

And here I am. Hello reality.

167: Skin deep

xphyxiate — Wed, 19 May 2010 16:08:45 +0000

I have been slacking with updating this journal. I’ve been slacking in everything. Unproductive as hell, I have been.

Floating. What’s new?

Nothing much. Still falling sick pretty often. Still battling the same health issues. Still not sure how I would go about letting someone in on my big secret when/if we get serious enough to discuss a future. Still feeling at peace and satisfied at most times. Still get those moments of awakening sadness that threatens to devour my whole self. Still learning how to trust someone again and let myself be loved. Still dreaming about A and what could have been. Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda. Still off the beaten track but somehow my end-goal is in sight. Still in love with 4.57am and lying on someone’s chest to calm myself with his steady heartbeat. Still easing myself into the role I’ve been given. Still wondering where my career will lead me and worrying about the same old problems. Still in the mood for love, life, love, life. Still plagued by self-doubt until someone silences me with a knowing gaze that always makes me break into fits of giggles. Still the same ol’ complaining and whinging cow but also different because I’m learning to not take things/people for granted.

And still, waiting to be able to say ‘I love you’ again and mean it.

To the future. To turning 28. To insanity and sanity. To life beyond our boundaries.

Blessed we are. Thank you.

166: Feeling Krabi

xphyxiate — Wed, 12 May 2010 09:19:47 +0000

Spending my 28th birthday in Krabi. Awesome-ness. Need a break so bad. Love, love, love.

165: A whole new world

xphyxiate — Mon, 03 May 2010 08:01:10 +0000

I have moved! Like finally.

These 6 months (or more) since moving back from Melbourne have been psychotic. So glad to get out of this place, forget what has happened so far and give myself a new lease on life. Even better, it’s right in the heart of my chill-out zone.

So this is it. New place. New workload. New routine. New boy. New healthier body. And some big new plans.

Talk about an overhaul before turning 28. WRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Nap time before unpacking.

164: Lick the Star

xphyxiate — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 16:48:31 +0000

Hit me with your best shot. Fire away.

You. Take. My. Breath. Away.

—

Don’t ruffle Wrath’s feathers.

Protected: 163: Meet me at One.

xphyxiate — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 09:28:44 +0000

This post is password protected. You must visit the website and enter the password to continue reading.

162: Fade

xphyxiate — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 02:23:30 +0000

My last form of sanity is coming home to me tomorrow. I cannot wait. Because if it’s a wake up call I need, it’s a wake up call I’ll be getting. There will be tears but laughter will follow.

She said: “I love you.”
“You are my life,” he replied.

Protected: 161: Self-preservation

xphyxiate — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 18:39:54 +0000

This post is password protected. You must visit the website and enter the password to continue reading.

160:

xphyxiate — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 05:46:53 +0000

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed You,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed You most,
You have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,
“The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”

- Footprints in the Sand

Is it too much to ask someone to walk with me through the good and bad?