Today, I fell back into one of my old routines – not sleeping and when I did managed some shut-eye, I woke up in tears. Self-pity is such a contemptuous emotion.
How is it that one can live in the shadow of another for 20 years and not eventually end up lost in the motion of life. I find deprecating comments and criticism negates years of good done. I need not patting of the ego neither do I need the constant reminder of your failures, disguised as the world’s wrong doing unto you. You are your own maker. I find myself floating in and out of this sea of misery, but you are rooted and bound to it, your misery becomes you. I am not your mistake to fix.
Think about it. Apply the laws of management and economics drilled into your textbook of life experiences. You micro-manage. So bitter are you in relation to where life took you that mistakes are not tolerated. You forget, this is humanity. People make mistakes in order to learn. Live and let live. Mistakes do not make one weak in hindsight. It’s the inability to see past this mistakes and the finger-pointing that makes one spineless in the face of reality.
I wax lyrical about humanity and in your dictionary of right and wrong it equates to nothing of worth. You will be surprised to find out when the end is near that this tie to humanity is the one true thing anyone can own. The battle is far from won. Harping on the past and using it as ammo is an excuse; your excuse. Something of which you accuse everyone of, but once again fail to see within you.
Where I lack in worldly possessions, I make up for with humility and compassion. Don’t try playing God. Don’t judge. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you are above all. And most of all, don’t lie to yourself.
I make mistakes and they are mine to make, my mess to clean up. Why do you always think you are cleaning up someone’s else mess? That is classic micro-managing. Because in your eyes, all is wrong. Maybe the fixing needs to start from within yourself. Good luck.
“Making a living is not the same thing as making a life.”
